Thursday, 25 August 2016

Wedding Series: Contentment

In the lead up to the wedding, I really struggled with the pressure. Not in a bridezilla way but I felt like life was on hold and everything was all building up for this one day.  It was exciting but it was hard work.  All spare time was focused on the wedding, I wasn't able to give Freddie my full attention and it wasn't made any easier with Chris being away for 5 weeks in the lead up to the wedding, we barely saw each other and it was hard.

Two weeks ago, our day came.  The Sun shone, the music played, tears fell, oh so many tears.  It was the most magical, emotional day of our lives.  Standing saying our vows and all I could hear was sobbing, from my bridesmaids, from Chris who was trembling with emotion and my own pounding heart sounded as if it may explode from my chest, with anticipation and emotion.  I was unable to get through our personal promises without a few breaks, I couldn't speak for overwhelming emotion.  Our day was beautiful, in every sense of the word.  Beautiful skies, beautiful decor, beautiful scenes of children running wild on the lawns and most of all beautiful love.  Not just the love between Chris an I but between our families and friends, I could never put into words all the individual moments that happened throughout the day. Kind words, tight hugs, emotional looks.  I felt like time was standing still. I was in a blur of happiness, and amazement that despite everything our day was everything we ever dreamed.

I felt like I was floating, I was so unwell the morning of the wedding and a felt like I needed to lie down a few times in the day, it was so overwhelming, I didn't drink a drop of alcohol and yet I felt so drunk. Drunk on Love as my friend Bey would say.  My girls were my rocks, Amy, Jade, Emma and Lauren - Thank you.  Thank you for making my day so special. Thank you for holding me together. Thanks for spoiling me with beautiful gifts, you didn't need too, your love and support were enough.

I thought my heart was going to burst when I saw my little baby boy walk up the isle, he held my sisters hand and as he struggled up the steps, Jade took his other hand and helped him, I could have burst right there and then.  I was so nervous, waiting for my turn to walk, Amy turned and we whispered how much we loved each other, I have only know Amy only a few years and yet I feel like I have known her all my life. As I walked down the isle, trembling, seeing all the faces I love looking round at me, my legs were giving way, my dad squeezed my hand so tight, he was literally holding me up. Then I saw Chris.  And that was it.  I honestly don't remember anything else.  It was like it was just us.  No one else.  Just the two of us meeting.  In reality there was music, people whispering, Freddie playing, and yet my memory is that is was silent. Pin dropping silence.

We said our vows, exchanged rings and we had both written our own personal promises, the emotions was so high, we could barely get through them for the tears. It was beautiful and it was like we were in our own special moment.

I guess the ceremony was about half an hour but it felt like 5 seconds. It flashed by.  The relief when it was over, the uncontrollable shaking calmed and the tears dried up.

We then enjoyed the most gorgeous afternoon in the sun.  Good music, Pimms, giant lawn games, children running through the lawns and the trees.

The evening came, the speeches were more than I ever could have imagined, I was so moved. We enjoyed a delicious bbq and yummy puddings. Like one of my little signs said "eat, drink and be married".

We had our first dance under a slide show of photos from our six years together. Our guests enjoyed the Photo Booth, and the goodies from the tables.  Chris and I snuck of for a moonlight photoshoot and then we partied hard,  and I mean real hard. It was amazing. Dancing with all my favourites, we let our hair down and my god did we need it.  We had 70 year olds down to 1 year olds throwing shapes.  It was a blur of happy faces, awful singing (screaming), old classics, Jay Z style rap battles and I think our guests drank the bar dry.

And now here we are, 2 weeks later, and wow. What a bubble we have been in of family holidays, more sunshine, soaking up all the beautiful messages left in our guest book, enjoying all the beautiful gifts people put so much thought and love into.  It has been crazy. wonderful, draining, crazy.

I know so many people say they wish they could do it all over again, or that they feel lost after the wedding and I haven't experienced that at all.  I felt relieved. I know that sounds awful but this is what we have wanted for so long.  to be married. To be Mr and Mrs Peers.  And here we are, on the sofa, in our pjs, drinking apple and blackcurrant squash,indulging in reality tv rubbish, in our own home, with our sleeping baby next door and I can say we did it. We are married.  Husband and wife.

I loved the planning, but it was hard it was like our life was on pause waiting. It was so worth it so so worth it. But I am so excited to see what married life brings.  I hope it brings us, health, happiness, a new house, another addition and lots more family adventures. But we shall see. Que Sera Sera and all that.

Before the wedding I was an ocean on the verge of a tsunami. When I woke on Saturday the 13th as Mrs P, the waves were calm, quiet and still.  I feel so content.

Lots of Love, Mrs P x

Thursday, 11 August 2016

Tomorrow will make me a Wife

As I sit alone in the house I grew up in, I have a chance to reflect.  It is quiet and peaceful and I am surrounded by Wedding things. Confetti, Pom Poms, signs, gifts and bunting; all the things I have been tirelessly working on for our special day.  I have been so busy, I hadn't really thought that I am actually getting married tomorrow.  it is less than 24 hours away.  Tomorrow will  make me a wife.

When you are only knee high and you hang your grandmas scarves from your little head pretending to be a bride, or when your at primary school and you 'marry' your boyfriend at break time, it feels like an eternity until you will be a grown up and yet in what feels like a flash, here I am getting ready for my wedding day.

So much time has passed since those days, so many incredible memories, fun times with friends and family, holidays, parties, old friends, new friends, school, exams, jobs and also sad times, heart ache, sobbing into your pillow listening to dodgy pop songs.  All of those things, the good the bad and the damn right embarrassing have shaped me into the women I am.

Our wedding may not seem a huge deal to some, We already pay a mortgage, we already have a child.  But to us it is the biggest deal.  We knew from weeks of being together we would get married.  We have talked about this day for a long time.  It is the final piece of the puzzle, to be man and wife.

Our journey together has seen us become parents, we have been so strong and so together through it all, our story isn't perfect, it is messy, there are good bits and bad bits, ups and downs, but it is my favourite story to tell.  I believe with every ounce of me in what we are. We are a team, and tomorrow our team will be official, and it makes my heart flutter just to think about it.

Everyone is asking me if I am nervous and it is a tricky one to answer.  Am I nervous about the wedding? Yes.  Am I nervous about getting married? Nothing has been easier in my life.  I am so ready.  We are so ready for this next chapter of us.

I am a better women, mother and partner because I have Mr P by my side.  When I am anxious I instantly relax when he is with me, my body physically unwinds.  When I am sad he will hold me and doesn't care if I get mascara on his shirt.  We laugh together, belly aching laughs, tickle fights and late night talks like we are still 17.   I love our quirks and the things that make us, us.  He drives me crazy, I wish he wouldn't get toothpaste everywhere, but I wouldn't change this life we have built together, not for all the tea and china as my nanny would say.

One of the most beautiful things to come out of our Wedding day, is the all the time we have spent with friends and family, it has really shown us just how lucky we are to have such incredible people around us, that believe in us as much as we do.  People have sent such beautiful cards and gifts, people have said the most lovely things to us, people I haven't seen for years have sent me messages with such kind words.   We are truly blessed.  We have made some amazing memories along the way, my bridesmaids, wow what a group of girls.  They have spoilt me and treated me like a queen, the effort they have gone too has left me speechless. And my beautiful Mum.  How lucky am I to have a mum like her.

I had to stop typing a moment ago, the postman came to the door with a last minute wedding parcel.  How weird to sign my name as Amie Madgett for the last time.  I will miss being Madgett, it is who I have been for 23 years, it is who people know me as.  People asking how to spell my surname, hearing people say that Amie Madgett.  It is so strange. And it is quite emotional.  My Miss days may be going and I am so excited to take on my new surname and be the same as my beloved boys, but it is and end of an era. I will know fill in the 'maiden name' box on forms.

I honestly cannot beleive tomorrow I will become Mrs P.  Mrs P. Mrs actual P.  I am so looking forward to married life, to our family to grow, for the adventures we will go on and the trials we will face.  Knowing I have him by my side throughout everything, means I know, what ever married life throws at us, we will always have each other.

Here is to the rest of our lives. Mr & Mrs P.

Love and hugs to everyone, thank you all so much for your kindness. and to Mr P. I will see you at the end of the isle.  I love you to the moon, round the stars, and back again.